They say there’s a real art to effectively driving a hybrid. You have to know when to press the gas and how much pressure to apply to ensure that the car uses the electric motor instead of the gas one. There are entire communities on websites devoted to tips and tricks for how to drive a hybrid and save a nice chunk of change on your gas bills.

Today, on my drive to work, I went from young Padawan learner to full fledged Prius Jedi when I managed to get 44 mpg on the short trip.

You see, contrary to popular belief (and usually Toyota ads and EPA figures) the Prius does not actually get better mileage in town than on the highway. Like a normal car, highway driving is usually where you can see the bigger mpg numbers. I think this is because the Prius still uses a gas engine some of the time, and gas engines are better in highway driving, making the use of your gas engine during this time more efficient. In my typical stop-and-go city driving, I’ve been about to achieve high 30s and occasionally a 40 or 41 in my miles per gallon.

Today was different. Today, I paid extra attention to the little graph that shows how much gas you’re using and tried to make sure it stayed in the 50s when possible. This kind of crazy gas monitoring is probably not advisable if you’re driving in a lot of traffic because looking down at the bar chart every three seconds can definitely be dangerous.

When I finally pulled into the parking lot, I glanced down and saw a 44 in the display screen. With my drive to work being short and my walking-distance proximity to tons of stuff downtown, I feel like I’ll only have to fill up my car every 13 years!

Then, when I got into the office, it was even better. There was a Sprint rental and tons of cell phone vendors with free stuff to give out.

I don’t know what it is about cheap free shit, but I just had to have some. I managed to score a really weird squishy stress ball and a bunch of pens. Shawnna and I kept making trips past the vendor booths and grabbing more free crap, distributing our vast collections throughout the office for everyone to enjoy.

Then, as if a day of good mileage and free promotional schwag wasn’t enough, Dori told me there were tons of bagels in the kitchen. A cheaper commute, free tacky pens and stuff, and now free food! The fact that these things make me so happy proves I’m easy to please.

I was feeling like crap from being so dehydrated at Red Rocks last night, so I got to work around 11am. When I pulled into the parking lot, I was hoping to park in one of the highly-coveted shady spots under a tree. Thankfully, one was available and I grabbed it.

As I parked and looked beside me, I saw that I was parked next to the newer model Toyota Prius.

Here’s a shot of my first gen Prius next to the larger second gen model:

I read that something like 57% of people who have the new hatchback-looking Prius said they like the car because it “makes a statement” about the driver. In other words, it’s like a badge proclaiming that they care about the environment. Only 25% said they liked the car because of the lower emissions.

This is exactly why I wanted the kind that looks like a regular compact car. I care about the environment, but I’m not trying to prove anything with the car I drive. (See: Ted Danson in “The Anonymous Donor” episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.) I don’t want to be like the hybrid-driving hippies in the “Smug Alert” episode of South Park. I love my new car so much, but I don’t ever see myself being one of those people who talks with my eyes closed while saying things like, “It’s just great to be part of the solution and instead of part of the problem.” I mostly wanna save gas money in my short drive to and from work every day.

There are a whole series of ads mocking the self-righteous Prius driver over at hybridcars.com. They’re pretty damn amusing. (If you check them out at that site, be sure to read the comments below. They’re funny on an entirely different level.)

My favorite is:

In case you can’t see it, the text says “Well, at least he drives a Prius.”

By the way, the quote at the top comes from Larry David in the “Wandering Bear” episode from season 4 of Curb Your Enthusiasm.