As some of you know, the organization I work for had a big fundraising event this past Friday. It was (according to everything I’m hearing from the people in charge at the office) a success.
The main highlight of the evening was being bullied in the bathroom by a State Representative, who shall be referred to as Regina George (the Queen Bee from Mean Girls) in this blog post.
I headed to the bathroom after the big presentation, feeling a little upset about the proceedings. You see, there are only three employees at my job (including me) and, during one of the speeches by a certain higher-up who I’ve chatted with many times, a special shout out was given to my two co-workers and I went completely unacknowledged. It’s not that I wanted the name-check for my own pride, it was that I had worked hard on planning the event for months and was busy on the job that night as well, pulling at 13 hour day on Friday. With all the time and effort I had put in, and was still putting in at the time of the speech, it was such a slap in the face to suddenly become invisible when it came to “special thanks” time.
As I stood in line trying to think of reasons I was ignored, “Regina” approached me and glanced down at my nametag just before she remarked, “You know, that was pretty bad for you guys.”
Unsure of just what she said or what she meant, I asked, “Hmm?”
“Well, you guys named elected officials in attendance and I didn’t get named.” She shot back with that smug smile people make when what they really want to do is spit on you.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t write the presentation, so I don’t know how that happened.” I replied trying to stay calm and polite despite her surly demeanor.
“Well, it’s a pretty big faux pas for you!” She snapped as she ducked into the available stall.
I stood around praying that a stall would become available before she emerged and that I wouldn’t have to see her again. Finally, when one opened up, I jumped in as fast as I could, taking an extra long time in hopes of avoiding any further confrontation with her at the sink.
When she seemed to be taking forever, I decided not to wait it out, but rather to try to hurry up and get out before her. I rushed to the sink, hoping to wash my hands and bolt out of the volatile situation.
As luck would have it, she emerged seconds later and stood at the sink right next to me. “Maybe you guys should think about that!” She continued her tirade.
“I’m sorry that you weren’t mentioned, but if you’d like to talk to someone about it, I can get one of the people who planned the speeches for you and you can talk to them if you’d like.” I replied.
“Look, you’re young and you probably don’t understand how these things work!” She smugly shot back. “You probably don’t know that you have to mention everyone or no one in a situation like that.”
“As I said ma’am, I had nothing to do with the presentation. If you’d like to talk to someone about the speech that was made, I can get someone for you.” I answered again.
“I came here and everyone else was acknowledged but me!” She angrily pouted, completely ignoring anything I had said.
“I’m sorry about that again, but I guess I just don’t know what you want me to do about it. I already told you that I didn’t write the speech and I offered to bring you to someone who did, but you just keep telling me the same thing.” I answered.
“I’m just trying to educate you for future reference.” She glared back. “So that you’ll know, down the road, that it’s a really rude thing to do.”
By this point, she and her assistant had backed my into a wall and other women in the bathroom were starting to look over, wondering what was going on. It felt like a scene out of My So-Called Life, only instead of a bitchy high school bully, I was getting yelled at by a State Representative with a bad attitude.
“I understand and I’m sorry again.” I said, trying to make my way for the door despite the intimidation attempt.
“I mean, to mention everyone else and not me!” She remarked, getting more upset.
“Look, sometimes people make mistakes. I’m one of only three people at the Film Commission and the other two got named but I didn’t. And the first speech was given by someone on the board of my organization. This is the first time we’ve done this event, so some things are still working themselves out. I apologize if you weren’t named, but I really wouldn’t take it personally as these things happen when you’re trying to do an event like this for the first time. I’ll make sure to mention it to my boss, but I’m telling you that it was probably an accident and I’m sorry about that.” I said, trying to remain calm, but getting a bit worked up anyway.
“It’s just irresponsible and unprofessional!” She barked back, practically pushing me into the wall.
“Look, Lady!” I said, getting more defensive, “I apologized, I had nothing to do with the speech. I didn’t get named either and I work for them, so I’d just calm down.”
“Oh yeah, that’s the same! You didn’t get named!” She snapped snidely.
“If you want to talk to someone, they’re right out there. If you have a problem, take it up with [Boss #1] or [Boss #2]. I really can’t do anything about it at this point.” I said, making my way out of the bathroom despite the blockade she and her assistant created.
About an hour later, her assistant approached me in the hallway near the exit.
“What?” I glared at her, assuming she was looking for round two of the bathroom bitch-fest.
“I just wanted to say sorry about [Regina].” She said sweetly.
“Oh.” I said, letting my guard down.
“I wanted to say something when she was yelling at you, but…” She trailed off.
“Yeah, that was really something.” I laughed.
“She’s always like that!” The assistant smiled. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry she confronted you like that and to not feel too bad about it because this is just what she does.”
“Well, thanks. I didn’t know what to do in there. It was so odd.” I remarked.
“Yeah,” she said, sounding like a wife making excuses for her abusive husband, “that’s just the way she is.”
She smiled again and I headed off into the party to hide from “Regina George” in the Gallery Room where I was stationed.
Imagine my surprise when in waltzed “Regina George”, looking to purchase something from my table.
She smiled at me and greeted me as if the whole bathroom episode never happened. Had she forgot all the mean stuff she said to me? Has she forgot that she just finished cornering me against the wall to scream at me? Had she had a sudden change of heart and decided to apologize?
I wasn’t looking to find out, so I tried to hide my face a bit and didn’t look her in the eye as I filled out her paperwork and quickly passed her along to another volunteer. Thankfully, she didn’t notice and obliviously strolled away, probably off to berate someone else for something that wasn’t his or her fault.
Aside the quick run-in in the gallery, I managed to successfully hide from her for the rest of the evening.
I retreated to my post and reflected on what happened. It really was kind of ironic in a way, I was upset about not being mentioned and had to defend myself against another person who hadn’t been mentioned.
I was important enough to get called out in the bathroom by a State Representative, but not important enough to get a shout out from my own company during an event that I had worked so hard on.