Tag: funny news stories

Woman who is NOT Britney Spears finds Cheesus

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This just in…

A Missouri woman says she has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos. When Kelly Ramey opened a snack-sized bag of Cheetos, she felt something unusual and checked it out.

Most of her family and friends believe it looks like a mini orange sculpture of Jesus on the cross. Ramey and her husband call it “Cheesus.” Others see something completely different.

A local minister does not see anything theologically special about the Cheeto, but thinks some good could come from it.

Ramey doesn’t plan to sell the Cheeto because it’s bringing a lot of joy into her home. She will keep it in a safe deposit box or put it on display so more people can enjoy it.

I think they’re focusing on the wrong thing in this story. The real headline should read “Woman who isn’t Britney Spears finds Cheeto Jesus”. The shocking part of this story is not that some crazy chick thinks Jesus is in Cheetos, but that that crazy chick is NOT Brit Brit. Britney has been scouring bags of Cheetos for a lifetime and is yet to discover any divine imagery within the processed snacks.

“A hippie grabbed my chest!”

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Boulder’s Daily Camera ran the greatest news story in months today!

It’s about a guy who assaulted a woman, then got naked, fled the scene and claimed he had no memory of the event.

Here’s a few highlights…

Disselhorst, whom the victim described as a “hippie” wearing a tie-dye shirt, khaki shorts and Chicago Bears Crocs, came to her window, grabbed her chest and asked, “Do you like that, (expletive)?” police reported.

When several drivers pulled over to help, police said, Disselhorst stripped his clothes and fled the scene.

I just like that this dude’s excuse is that he doesn’t remember. Does he think no one has ever tried that lie before? I also love that there is probably a police report somewhere that contains the phrase “a hippie grabbed my chest!”