Category: Other

Sandwich assault

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From Yahoo News

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. – Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend’s face during an argument about auto insurance and then hit her head with his fist.

The man admitted to throwing the food but not hitting her. He was arrested Friday and faces a battery charge.

Last month, another man was arrested on a battery charge for hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a traffic crash.

Police reports did not what type of sandwich was used in either attack.

First, I find it amazing that someone who would throw a sandwich at another person has a girlfriend. Who dates a guy who wins an argument by chucking some cold cuts at your head?

Next, it seems that this is one of several sandwich attacks that have occurred in recent times. Perhaps it signals a larger trend towards sandwich assaults as opposed to regular old domestic violence. I like that the second attack “nearly caused a traffic crash”. This means that someone was operating a moving vehicle while a.) throwing a sandwich or b.) being hit with a sandwich. I wonder if insurance covers that.

Armed burglars demand eggbeater

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Now that’s a headline!

I just came across this news item while browsing stories on my Mobile News iPhone App. It comes to us from TampaBayOnline…

TAMPA – It must be one special eggbeater.

That was the loot two men demanded after entering a home in Plant City, one brandishing a pistol and the other holding a knife to the resident’s throat, the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office said.

The two men face charges of armed burglary of a dwelling after being caught outside the home on State Road 60 in Plant City about 4:25 a.m. Sunday, the sheriff’s office said.

Deputies arrested Robert Eugene Thompson, of 2211 Holloman Road, Plant City, and Taurus Deshane Morris, of 5852 Odom Road, Lakeland.

Besides the burglary charge, Thompson faces a charge of aggravated assault.

The sheriff’s office said the two men entered the home about 3:35 a.m. Thompson armed himself with a folding knife while Morris held a chrome pistol, arrest reports said.

Thompson held the knife against the victim’s neck and demanded the metal eggbeater, which was found in his left back pocket when he was arrested, the sheriff’s office said.

Thompson and Morris are being held in Orient Road Jail with no bail.

People do some crazy stuff, but this is really spectacular. The very idea that these two face burglary and aggravated assault charges because they just had to have an eggbeater is really astounding to me.

This story was even a bit reminiscent of an old item from the primordial Trashwire about a news story with the headline “Meat juice leads to stolen property”.

Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow

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Last night, Denver broke all time records by reaching -15 degrees. This morning, despite the sun’s efforts, it was still about -13 with a predicted high of 16 above zero. We’d be lucky if we reached freezing today!

When I woke up to the radio talking about the crazy weather, I was immediately reminded of the South Park episode that was a parody of The Day After Tomorrow. In the episode, South Park declares a global warming emergency after a beaver dam breaks in the neighboring town of Beaverton. When global warming is determined to be the cause of the flood, everyone focuses on who’s to blame. It’s a spectacular episode because it contains a scene where a man is chased down and killed by global warming!

It also features a fantastic parody of the sequence in the film when Dennis Quaid and company are treking through the snow from Philadelphia to Manhattan to go rescue some kids from the library. In the SP version, the dads are dressed in full arctic gear and climbing through the sunny streets of the town. I can hardly do it justice, so check out the episode to see why the scene is so rad.

Either way, this crazy ass weather makes me want to run down the streets shouting, “We didn’t listen!!!”