Here’s a few quotes from what I had to say about last night’s contestants:

Ah, Simon never disappoints. “So you’re truning your back on your band?”

Elijah Scarlett sounded like the distorted effect they put on anonymous witnesses on Dateline.

Now I’m worried we’ll find Leah Marie dead in her car outside Kara’s house.

This dude actually thought it was a good idea to go to a shop and pay money for a tattoo that says “Sexual Chacolate”

Cody Sheldon is like Sanjaya only with over-tweezed eyebrows.

I think that one dude was a frightened homeless rabbi

It might be hard to express yourself in 140 characters, but it seems roomy when describing these so-bad-they’re-good contestants. Besides, who wants to watch after the first few episodes when the only people left are those who have actual talent?

Whenever I think reality tv has hit rock bottom, something new comes on that takes it to an all new low.

The latest contender is Rock of Love Bus on VH1. The show follows Bret Michaels (who used to be known for being the lead singer of Poison but is now a puffy, middle aged reality star) and the gaggle of skanks vying for his affection, or at least a little tv time. Instead of the usual tacky mansion, this time the whole gang will be living out of buses as they follow Michaels around the country during his tour.

Read more at Trashwire.com or read the uncensored version after the jump…

Whenever I think reality tv has hit rock bottom, something new comes on that takes it to an all new low.

The latest contender is Rock of Love Bus on VH1. The show follows Bret Michaels (who used to be known for being the lead singer of Poison but is now a puffy, middle aged reality star) and the gaggle of skanks vying for his affection, or at least a little tv time. Instead of the usual tacky mansion, this time the whole gang will be living out of buses as they follow Michaels around the country during his tour.

The early stand outs were Brazilian alcoholic Marcia, Paris Hilton/Juliette Lewis hybrid Ashley, fake gypsy Constandina, the female Mickey Rourke Gia, and of course Nikki, who DListed called a “ladyboy muppet”.

Nikki was simultaneously repulsive and intriguing. The term hot mess doesn’t even scratch the surface for a girl who carries a slew of “legal drugs” and never really seems to know where she is at any given moment. This girl might be the most vile skank to ever grace reality tv, and that’s including the crack hos from HBO’s Hookers at the Point.

All these girls give debauchery a bad name! In the first episode alone, the show featured some of the most horrific, deplorable, vomit-inducing behavior ever broadcast on tv. The highlight, of course, being the scene when Nikki decided to do a shot out of Gia’s disease-infested vajayjay right there on the bar in front of everyone. The best part about it was VH1′s hypocritical attempt to keep it classy by cutting away and having Michaels tell the audience they were unable to show such an act on the network.

Had it not been for this new spin on body shots, my favorite moment would have been the sequence when Marcia drank too much then threw up in the toilet for several minutes, only to plant a big sloppy post-puke kiss on Michaels as he entered the room. He responded in typical fashion by kissing her right back. After all, his usual comment about such grossness is, “It kinda turned me on.”

Sadly (or thankfully depending on your views of trash tv) Nikki was booted from the show. During the elimination, she was so drunk she couldn’t stand up and, even after the rest of the girls had vacated the meat-market platform, she was left flopped out on the ground.

I have a strong stomach for this kind of garbage, but this show is definitely too much for any casual trash tv fan to handle. The whole time I was watching, I kept thinking about equally desensitized Gerard Way, who regularly talks about VH1s Celebreality shows on the My Chemical Romance blog, setting his TiVo to record such awfulness. I guess all of us who watch Rock of Love Bus will continue to gleefully wallow in the cesspool together.

I know Trashwire always has much love for My Chemical Romance, but after reading lead singer Gerard Way’s review of The Pick Up Artist 2, you’ll understand why I’ve become totally addicted to the revamped My Chemical Romance blog (RSS) and twitter posts.

For more like this, check out mychemicalromance.com.

“You ARE the Pick Up Artist.”

I gotta admit, I got the chills when I heard Mystery say that in last night’s season finale of The Pickup Artist 2.

I don’t even know how I started watching this show it’s first season. I think it may have had to do with the fact I was hooked on Rock Of Love and they would play this afterwards. I think that’s a very old method that networks use called “piggy-backing”, and would explain why shows like “How I met Your Mother” or “My Fair Brady” even make it to their 2nd seasons.

But this show is quality.

And even more interesting than the contestants, challenges, and the orange spray-tan club goers of Scottsdale, Arizona (of COURSE this is where the show is filmed) is Mystery’s wardrobe.

This is a man that knows how to take RISKS.
Mind you, these aren’t risks that I would ever take but you gotta respect a guy thats Ren-Faire from the neck down and fighter-pilot meets X-Games roadie from the neck up. With Gladiator boots.

And can we talk about how likable this guy is?
This is a man that eats his own cereal in the morning if you know what I’m saying.

I felt that Simeon was a strong contender after the last few episodes, having clearly built up a momentum, and adopting a straw cowboy hat seemed to make a big difference. Did he win that in a reward challenge from Mystery? Like some sort of +5 Holy Avenger? (You PUA2 contestants know EXACTLY what I’m talking about)
I also felt Matt was a strong player as well, but I felt they both should have been penalized for their continued use of the same openers in the finale.

I would also like to point out that Matt’s best friend, Chuck, on the previous episode, was not only totally fucking awesome, but also a really amazing comic book artist, who does a book Black Metal for Oni Press. I actually met Matt at the Eisners, as he was friends with Gabriel and had also taken home an Eisner for his comic. I found it interesting they made no mention of him being a comic artist in the episode, but I assumed Mystery felt this would have only hurt his chances in the club, although I feel “Hey I draw comics” is a much better opener than “My friends and I just completed a caper”. But what do I know about this stuff?

One of the reasons I like this show is the fact that it is the least competitive reality show on television. There is no drama, just dudes having each other’s back, and they are genuinely sad when one of their competitors gets the axe. This is an emotional, life-changing journey for these dudes.

The same cannot be said of Rock Of Love: Charm School or Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. Lots of claws flying around.
Charm School had it’s worst episode yet last night, but then again how do you follow an episode where the ladies have degenerated to spitting and plate throwing, drunk the whole time (suprise!). And I back Sharon Osborne, she is fun to watch, but the sock puppet thing didn’t hold me.

Paris Hilton’s New BFF we stopped watching after Kaylee got booted. That girl knew how to party, dress, live life, be fabulous. We think she would have made an excellent BFF. What’s that leave? Bikini Corey? Please…

Some of you may be asking yourselves, “Does reality T.V. make you dumber?”
My answer to this is “Absolutely, yes”.

But I figured I should be okay for a little wile…

xo
G

Re-posted from mychemicalromance.com. Check out the twitter pages for Gerard Way, Bob Bryar, Ray Toro, Mikey Way, and Frank Iero.

I couldn’t resist posting my favorite line from The Pick Up Artist 2 along with this post. Marvel at this clip of Brian saying “This guy is smokin’ balls tonight!”

Yes, this new season brings us another cadre of dysfunctional celebrities trying to get sober, or rather, to get more screen time. The patient list includes Busey, King, model/actress Amber Smith, former American Idol contestant Nicki McKibbin, celeb spawn Sean Stewart, former hood ornament Tawny Kitaen, drummer Steven Adler and even an encore performance from everyone’s favorite bumbling train wreck, Jeff Conaway….

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Tonight could go down in trash tv history with three of the trashiest shows imaginable all hitting the airwaves. Lucky for you, you have Trashwire to recap all the train-wreck mayhem. Think of this as a triple serving of Trashwire’s special reality tv coverage. (For more like this, visit our reality TV blog at TheTVGeek.com)

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View the full interview here.

EW.com has published a list of the 20 worst TV shows of all time, including photos.

Making the list were some of Trashwire’s favorite trashy reality shows including Britney Spears’ home-made series Chaotic, the Paula Abdul mood-swing-a-thon Hey Paula!, trash classic The Anna Nicole Smith Show, the Fox plastic surgery give away The Swan, the delightfully infamous Kid Nation, the crap-tacular Cheaters, almost the entire family of Flavor Flav dating shows on VH1 as well as nearly ever program on MTV including the often ripped on My Super Sweet 16, my personal favorite reality show Big Brother, the series that made Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie household names (and made me wanna slit my wrists) The Simple Life, and of course the greatest trashy reality show of all time–something that made even us question the fate of the world–Fox’s one-time 2000 event, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?.

The list is dynamite, definitely check it out and click on the links above to see our coverage of some of these shows.